As always, I want to offer my sincere apology to Sue Grafton for using (stealing??) her approach for the titles of her many outstanding mystery novels for this series of articles that I hope makes YOU a happier and more effective leader working with a truly empowered team that really enjoys what they do! Oh, and if you have not read any of Ms. Grafton novels I highly recommend that you give her a try.
“We also consider our ego as essential, this self that we have constructed! But let me tell you that you haven’t constructed that self. Somebody has done it for you. People have told you whom you should be and whom you should not be, how you should move, how you should smell, and how you should do most of what you do. How wonderful to step back and do what the Asian says: ‘Leave your ego on the table.’ Step out of yourself and leave it there. Say, ‘You just wait a while.’ That is the only way that new messages are going to come in.”
- Leo Buscaglia from Living, Loving & Learning
Most of the Organizations that I’ve worked with had lots of folks with very strong egos. Now I’m not against having an ego. Everyone needs to have self-confidence and the feeling that they know what they are doing but the competition of egos is a waste of time. Self-confidence is a good thing while egomania is a bad thing and of course, there is a big difference between self-confidence and egotism. I’ve had folks actually try to set up a conflict with me over egos and our differences of opinions.
If you find someone who is competing with you for being the smartest, the most powerful or the most in the know, first question yourself to see if you actually are competing with him or her. If yes, stop NOW! If no, forget about it! To argue with this person either in public or private is a waste of your time. The good news is that most people don’t play ego games, but some do. Most folks actually want to work with others who are talented, self-confident and cooperative and can reconcile any differences.
“Don’t take anything personally. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. Their point of view and opinion come from all the programming they received growing up. When you take things personally, you feel offended and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflict. You make something big out of something so little because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.”
- Don Miguel Ruiz
I wish you empowerment, happiness and every success!!